Monday, September 26, 2016


In the late 1980's, I worked at the Stafford Courthouse Seven-Eleven, in Virginia. I loved working the graveyard shift, because the most interesting people came in.

One night, just before midnight, I had a 16 year old kid and about four of his friends roll in, and they grabbed some sodas and come to the counter. He took the lead as first in line, plopping two sodas down on the counter in front of me. I smiled and asked him, "will that be all?"

He replied politely, "No. I'd like to get a pack of condoms."

I turned toward the rack we had behind the counter, and asked, "Any preference?"

He looked a bit sheepish, but replied with, "What's the largest ones you got?"

His friends started laughing. He turned and smacked one in the chest, and told them, "Knock it off, man."

Well, to say the least, I was amused by the request. So I felt a need to take this a bit further, and said, "Well a popular large condom are called Magnums. But, if you're really packing, you might want the Hefty Man brand."

The kid said, "Okay. I'll take those." I reached down bellow the counter, and grabbed them and brought the "Hefty Man brand" up and dropped it on the counter, in front of the kid.

He and his friends all had this weird look on their faces, as they looked at the large roll of what was actually just a roll of black Hefty trash bags that we kept behind the counter— for when we needed to change out the coffee station trashcans— so,I quickly bellied up to the register, and said, "That'll be $12.98 for the Hefty Man condoms, plus $1.20 for the sodas. Don't forget to use the built in drawstring to catch and lock-in all your man sauce."

The friends cracked up, and the kid laughed, despite being a bit red in the face.

I then just sold him the Magnums, though he most likely just needed regular size. Well, the word "need" is stretching things a bit.  

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